Yes, I totally agree with the fact that you can't possibly fit so many complex issues into one piece.

Your point about victimhood is on the money. As someone who was jilted after a long, pretty happy marriage, there was a compulsory period of intense blame and righteousness, helped along by the people who loved me. Betrayal is tough to take.

But a look at the context of his leaving didnt reduce the pain, but blame eroded as I had more empathy for my husband and could even evolve into a friendship (of sorts). It was painful to examine my contribution to the end of our 43 marriage. Victimhood was more comfortable and more supported by family and friends