When You Give More Than You Get

How to Handle Uneven Friendships

Photo by Ago Ngalonkulu on Unsplash

Every relationship has its peaks and valleys. Times when one person steps up and contributes more to nurturing and growing the connection than the other. But there are many times when the unevenness can feel chronically one-sided, and you can wonder,

“What am I getting in this friendship?”

Is it enough?

What’s missing?

How do I deal with it?

Does this friendship have a future?

What did this friendship give you?

Identify how this relationship has mattered to you? Make a list. If examples come to mind, write them down. As you list them, you will get some cues about how things have changed and why.

• Time-Is it in the amount of time you spend together and the investment and energy you give to that time?
• Mirror, Mirror— The person holds up your image and helps you like what you see.
• Exclusivity — Is this a “best friendship” that has begun to include other people?
• Doing — Is it based in the activities and interests you have shared?
• Being — Is it more in the sharing of feelings, confidences, secrets? Emphasis is on…