Ryan

So many responses. First, you reminded me of my father--who snuck out of the seminary to run in the Boston Marathon (it was forbidden) and had a better time when he was 50. Not having the "typical" body of a runner he went to ultramarathoning. It was like he thought it was self improvement.

I don't believe in the concept and term "self improvement" There's something narcissistic in it. like we are essentially lacking, rather than building on the blessed person we already are. Yes. We have to tweak, we have to reach, we have to cope. I think that faith gives us gratitude for these tasks, but is compromised when our driven selves are too valued

. For at least a year I have felt like I "Ihave fallen from grace." I have been hit with some setbacks that have taken the golden away.

Even with the burden of mental illness I was wildly determined to be the best, the fastest, the most prestigious. The good news and the bad news is that I pulled it off. My successes were destined (by myself). But lately It's been one hardship after another and I couldn't finish a race that I poured myself into. And its making my writing awful. This time I rage against the forces

that are messing with my destiny. Not considering, as you did, that I am precisely where I am meant to be. What a challenge. David Burns wrote a chapter called "Dare to be average" I love it. Im rambling. But I have come to know that my faith is most potent when I am the most vulnerable. The things we do better and better

do not give us more self. We were given enough of things we DO. But the essence of self is who we are---and how we accept where we are. I think we're talking about grace.Where would you put our friends on the Wire on this issue? Congrats.mm