Probably the best thing in my life when it came to my mother-- and this phrase has come to me again and again--"I was well loved" and it has made all the difference. I always knew I was lucky. She didnt feel that way about her mother and her mother didnt feel that way about hers, so there must have been a course correction somewhere. My mother was sturdy. She made me feel safe. From a selfish point of view, I wonder how I will fare without that. I don't think its perverse

to let go of someone who has been exactly the opposite of what you needed.

With my history of depressions, I already know I am not the mother I had, and it haunts me. Thanks for the note. I am feeling so lousy and she's been ill with dementia and I've prayed that she would die. So she finally did and a few weeks out, I start to feel terrible. My own daughter is here from sweden for 6 days and I have felt the pain more acutely.

thank you for writing. marthaa