Lisa

Having just emerged from an intense response to my mother's death in which I felt like I was right back into severe depression and anxiety. My doctor

"tweaked" my meds to make me a little sturdier.

I helped somewhat. The rest I just had to suffer through, and when I say suffer, I think you know what I mean. I dont mean this as a diagnosis--but it seems you've struggled with dep and anxiety for a long time and this trial with your mother slammed you. I never say this as a recommendation, but I have had ECT several times over my 35 years of suffering. and it broke the back of my depression.

You are probably against it. Ketamine helped friends. But in addition to treatments, you need comfort and connection. I am no fan of the hospital at all, but as a Stop to the action of wanting to be gone--its the one thing they do. You are are around people, which you need. Walk in to a mental health center. The suicide hotlines are a mixed bag.

contact www.nami.org

and www.ndmda.org

they have online stuff and also support contact. They are plugged in nationally so they have info related to where you live. I know you are in agony.

Hold on. martha