Kathy--beautifully written piece of palpable pain. The complexities of electroconvulsive therapy are hard to sort out. Im a 70 yr old psychologist who has had and benefited from ect 4 times since I was 35. My severe major depression was relentless and brought me to the brink of suicide despite the fact that I had good relationships, and a good life. Did I have some memory deficits? Yes, some, especially when I was younger and ect wasnt as finessed as now. But they were minor.But I am a bit confounded by your mother's claims. She had multiple contributors to her pathology and I would have to know so much more about her treatment, as well as the history that brought her to it. Her character pathology undoubtedly played a role, as well as the secondary gains of dismissing you. The repetitive nature of her rejection of you is hard to forget from one round of ECT. While I ache for that kind of abuse you endured I have 2 thoughts--1 Ect used correctly is actually the gold standard ln treating suicidality and severe depression, 2 your son i lucky to have a mother who is a pilgrim in her own life, with the effect of giving him a life motivated by grace, and not by the rabid suffering that polluted your childhood and adolescence. martha