How do we sustain gratitude when we are in agony? — The promotion of gratitude is a big deal in the self-improvement literature. Gratitude is a heavy hitter in one’s well-being, health and relationships. It is especially salient this week which mandates that we focus on those things for which we are thankful, and share those declarations over long, groaning tables…

How I struggle to understand my family when one of us is gone — The conversation is casual. There is a predictable exchange of information that builds our knowledge of each other. But then… “How many brothers and sisters do you have?” I clear my throat, feel the heat on my face, and once again, communicate that my answer is anything but straightforward. They…

Maxine reminded me that “bouncing” is central to our well-being — Think of your resilience as the ability to respond to challenge or pain in a way that fosters your adaptation. You can bend, stretch, reach, and above all, bounce. Imagine you hold a rubber ball and you let it go. It collides briefly with the ground, and then returns to…

It’s a pretense that we understand violence when we don’t. — Another horrible assault on our lives, on our humanity, on our ability to settle into our daily experience with a sense of comfort and safety. I can’t turn off the television. Violence is as ubiquitous as wallpaper. I should turn it off, but I harbor some belief that the more…

Our granddaughter is a family maker and a heartbreaker — My boyfriend’s back Four months ago, my ex-husband and his dog, Lucky moved in with me. The first sign you would have that my ex-husband is still here is that the place smells like DOG, that pervasive wet mangy hair smell that resists candles and sprays. …

Did I tell the truth in an inspirational memoir about my first depression? — Please don’t ask me My ex-husband, the man who saw me through multiple, wretched depressions, hands me a memoir I wrote 30 years ago and asks me to inscribe it for a depressed friend who is in bad shape who is in her first episode. “Really?” I ask him. “Really?” “Something inspirational,” he prompts…

Coming to the anniversary of my mother’s death — “All things come to an end. No, they go on forever.” Ruth Stone, “Train Ride” Losing love is messy. We are always too early or late. Our feelings are mixed and confusing. Our hearts break and reassemble. Our clothes don’t match. Images in our memories fade to almost non-existent, only…

There’s a payoff to opening yourself up to what you don’t understand, but seems like a good idea at the time — Priceless Moments Most of us live out our days, moment by moment. At the end of each day, we shake out the majority of those scraps, saving some because they were funny or moving, or hot, or intriguing. Sometimes they occurred at the intersection we have with a person we know or…

How we can manage life’s “disasters” with courage and calm — The daily experience of an anxiety disorder is that the majority of things we are anxious about, do not usually happen. But it doesn’t stop the pain. There is a rampant misunderstanding of clinical anxiety. It is easily dismissed by words like “nervous.” But that is like believing a brief…